Holding On
by Leigh Adams15
Summary: It was a simple ornament, more than he could afford, but it meant so much more to Narcissa.


**Title**: Holding On (1/1)

**Author**: Leigh Adams

**Characters**: Remus Lupin/Narcissa Malfoy

**Rating**: PG

**Word Count**: 1, 373

**Summary**: It was a simple ornament, more than he could afford, but it meant so much more to Narcissa.

**Author's Notes**: **This was written as part of my 2010 Christmas Drabble Meme.**

* * *

_December 10, 1980_

There was no Christmas tree in the tiny, one room flat, no garland draped lovingly over every surface. There wasn't an army of house elves to attend to her every whim, fervently whipping up dishes to be served at the night's banquet. No springs of mistletoe hung in the doorway, waiting to catch an unsuspecting couple as they passed beneath. Only a small strand of twinkling fairy lights hung around the window gave any acknowledgement of the season.

This wasn't her home, and it never would be. Her home was in Wiltshire, at the Manor with Lucius and the myriad of said house elves. Her home _certainly_ was not an efficiency flat, crammed above a dingy storefront in Knockturn Alley.

But there were times when she allowed herself to romanticize it all. It was times like that when she wished this_were_ her home.

The warm body at her side stirred and rolled over to face her, lips breaking out into a soft, sleepy smile. "Morning, love."

The sound of his voice brought a smile to her own lips, and Narcissa leaned over to press her lips against his. "Good morning," she whispered.

"You're still here," he murmured against her lips. One hand reached up to tangle in her tousled blonde hair, deepening the kiss ever-so-slightly at he did.

"I shouldn't be," Narcissa replied softly, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "Lucius will be home from Stockholm today."

At the mention of her husband's name, Remus pulled away with a small sigh of defeat. She knew that sigh well; it signified he was thinking something unflattering about himself. "I just thought we might have breakfast, that's all," he said, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry." There was nothing more Narcissa could say, really. They had their roles to play, and unfortunately, those roles didn't intersect in life. They were only together through sheer force of will and little bit of bending the truth.

It wasn't that she didn't care for Lucius. She did, really. But he never made her feel alive like Remus did. They had never shared the same thrill of passion; his touches didn't make her shiver and cry out. They were well matched intellectually and socially, but that was near it.

Remus shook his head. "It's alright, love," he said, turning his head to glance at her over his shoulder. "At least let me give you your present before you leave."

"Remus, I thought we agreed about this," she said. Sliding up on her knees, she moved across the bed to wrap her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder. "No presents."

"I know, but I decided to exercise my own judgment," he replied cheekily, pressing a kiss to her temple as he disentangled himself from her embrace.

"When has _that_ ever worked out for you?" she muttered, quirking a brow at his back.

In less than two seconds—really, the flat _was_ miniscule—he was back and next to her on the bed. "Here," he said, holding out the small, tissue-wrapped package.

Nimble fingers quickly unwrapped the delicate paper and pulled out a small tin snowflake. It was simple, with a bright pink center that glowed, but it was beautiful and had likely cost him most of his savings. It was nothing like the elegant, hand-crafted glass ornaments that decorated the Malfoy Christmas tree. This was small, unadorned, and utterly beautiful in its simplistic charm.

"It's beautiful, Remus," she said softly, blue eyes bright as she looked up at his expectant face. "Really, I love it."

"I know it's not as fine a thing as you deserve," he said, twisting his hands as he spoke—a nervous trait she'd seen him do all too often. "I wanted-"

She cut him off with a soft kiss, silencing his words. When she finally pulled back, her face was alight with pure, unadulterated happiness. "I love it." _I love you._ "Happy Christmas, darling."

"Happy Christmas, Naricssa." And with that, no more words were spoken as he drew her back into the warmth of his embrace.

_December 10, 2004_

Christmas at Malfoy Manor was always a splendid sight. Every last inch of the large home was decked out in lights, garland, and flowers. Narcissa loved it, for it was only recently that they'd really celebrated Christmas like a _true_family. With all that had transpired since the Dark Lord's downfall, it had served as an awakening for her husband. Never, in their many years of marriage, had he behaved like a family man.

Draco was grown and married, and Narcissa was quite content with his choice for a wife. Astoria Greengrass had certainly not been who she'd expected him to marry; Daphne, maybe, or one of the Demarchelier girls from Beauxbatons. But he'd chosen well, in her opinion. Astoria had a fire about her, one that brought out the best in her son.

So when Astoria handed Draco a strand of fairy lights and told him to start stringing them along the large family tree, Narcissa had nearly fainted when he had not only complied, but he'd done so with a smile.

It was in one of the boxes of ornaments that Narcissa had found it, hidden for so many years. It was smaller than she remembered it being, and the rusty gold color had darkened with age. But the pink center of the snowflake still glowed as brightly as the day her love had given it to her, so many years ago.

She'd never seen Remus again. She hadn't known it at the time, but she'd been pregnant with Draco on that cold December day. One owl was all it took to end their liaison; for as noble and decidedly Gryffindor-ish as Remus was, he was not stupid. He didn't try to convince her to do otherwise.

The years passed, Draco had been born and grown into a young man, and the next she'd heard was that her niece had married Remus. The news had felt like a blow to the heart; even though she was not free—and likely, she never would be again—Remus had always been _hers_.

But he was gone. And lingering on what might have been did her no good. She had a husband who, after twenty-odd years of marriage, finally loved and appreciated her. Her son was happy and safe, with a wife who adored him, and she couldn't ask for more.

If Lucius noticed her slipping out of the informal family parlor, he didn't say anything. They still had their secrets, but he was not one to pry. Quietly, she slipped down the long corridor to her study, shutting the ornate wooden door behind her.

A quick spell had the ornament bundled in packaging paper, tied together with a green velvet ribbon—for Christmas. Her favorite eagle quill was summoned, along with a piece of parchment, as she sat down at her desk and began to write.

_Teddy,_

_This once belonged to your father, who was a very dear friend of mine. It is my wish that you have and keep it, for it is time that it was yours. Know that your father was a kind and caring man, with a great capacity for love that I've no doubt you have as well._

_Happy Christmas, dear one._

She could have signed her name—she _should_ have signed her name. But that would only lead to many questions that she wasn't ready to answer. Her rekindled relationship with Andromeda was still healing, and Narcissa didn't want to do anything that might cause her to lose her sister again.

Summoning her owl, she fastened the note and package to his leg, and then watched as he took off into the night. She didn't know how long she stood at the window, the bird long since disappeared into the blackness. But after a long pause, she gave a mental shake to clear her thoughts. Remus was gone, and though she would always love him, it was time to look forward instead of backwards.

With a soft smile lighting her elegant features, she turned and went to rejoin her family.


End file.
